“Let the Right One In” is possibly the best cinematic vampiric portrayal ever. Having met several Vampires, (they prefer to capitalize the word “Vampire,” like jewish people capitalize “Jew” or shark people capitalize “Freak”) I can tell you that the way in which the lil’ Vampire girl was portrayed in this movie was spot on. They’re not sexy, but they have a mild allure (although saying that I suppose makes me sound a bit like a pedophile, because the girl in question is, indeed, only twelve), but they are first and foremost vicious man eaters. Which can be evidenced by this photo:
And I’m sorry, but if you’re not enticed by this photo, gtfo motherfucka.
At first, I was stymied as to why a blood thirsty killa crazy biznatch would be at all interested in what would appear to be an albino boy with a mullet, perpetually runny nose and a border line obsession with morse code. But then I didn’t care because I enjoyed the movie so much. The two fell in love, despite their diet discrepancies, and remained in what is arguably the least healthy onscreen romance I have ever seen.
Another thing that other vampirically driven movies often get wrong is what I like to call the “feeding face.” This movie had the accurate amount of facial distortion so that I felt like I was, indeed, viewing a person who had lost their soul and could now only survive on the flesh of others. Regretfully, I don’t have a picture of that. What I do have is a picture of what is apparently a statue glorifying underage hand jobs in front of the school where our albino friend goes:
Oh, to be young.
Anyway, like all good foreign movies, somebody in hollywood wants to fuck it up. In the new Hollywood version, I’m quite certain the kids will listen to Death Cab for Cutie. (This really doesn’t make sense unless you see the movie, but their appears to be a Swedish Death Cab, and Vampires like their sound.) And so the movie has been moved to the states where it was directed by J. J. Abrams (Our reliable friend who brought us the awesome “Star Trek”, the fuck-upery of “Lost,” and the so-so of “Cloverfield” (of which their is a sequel in the works for some reason (And yeah, that’s a parentheses inside a parentheses. Suck it.) ) and is given the slightly less heartfelt title “Let Me In,” which to me sounds more like a movie about a werewolf. Ba-dum-DAH!
I’m like 90% sure no one got that joke.
All jokes aside, this movie has some lovely cinematography and some truly beautiful shots that I couldn’t help but screen shot and store away in a folder on my desktop. The movie is set in a Swedish suburb in the throes of winter giving us many a beautiful shots of glistening snow. Like this one:
Or this one:
Or this one:
Sweet.
Also, I have to give this film kudos for the most dramatic Vampire death ever:
Robert Frost would be proud.
But why I really wanted to post this is for the single, obvious reason: Netflix. I am a frequent guest of the site and would say that I probably spend roughly two full days out of the week watching or perusing Netflix. This is not the problem.
The problem is how the fuck they got in my head. You know that little rating system? The one where they’ll give the movie a certain amount of stars based on how they think you’ll like the movie? Well, it is very rare that a movie will receive a 5.0 out of 5.0 for me. The only other movie that did was “Princess Mononoke.”
So why does Netflix think “Princess Mononoke” and “Let the Right One In” are my two favorite movies? And why are they so close to being right?
I’m on to you, motherfuckers.
4.4/5
Here’s some links:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/lat_den_ratte_komma_in/
http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/Let-the-Right-One-In/70099621?strackid=10c9f7678dd71c31_0_srl&strkid=890320145_0_0&trkid=438381
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